National Coming Out Day – Oct. 11/2010

So I got myself involved in a conversation with a friend of mine who is gay when she posted this on her Facebook status: My Friend’s Name Here is a lesbian and National Coming Out Day is tomorrow. I’m coming out for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender equality because it’s 2010 and almost 90% of LGBT youth experience harassment in school, and too many lives have been lost. Donate your status and join me by clicking here:

Now, I could have lived with that and just let it go at “I’m coming out for LGBT equality” but when I read this; “because it’s 2010 and almost 90% of LGBT youth experience harassment in school, and too many lives have been lost.” I felt the hair rise on the back of my neck. I thought first of all that there is probably not much difference in the amount of harassment at school for gay kids in 2010 than there was in 1910…in fact; I’d say being gay is probably more accepted now than it was then. Secondly I thought it absolutely preposterous that the link was in any way directed at or toward youth! Thirdly I thought it a little presumptuous to suggest that lives are being lost because the youth are not “coming out” with their gayness. (Wow, MS Word didn’t highlight the word “gayness”! It’s a real word now? Like, there are levels of how gay you are?)

Anyway, my first comment on this status was: Wouldn’t it be better to counsel kids who think they are gay to not come out? I mean, kids are confused about lots of things. I think we should counsel kids to control their sexual desires and even suggest they don’t date at all until they are finished highschool…wouldn’t that be better?

My friend replied: No that wouldn’t be better. I don’t think asking anyone to lie is ethical or Christian. I think that we should all be free and SAFE to live our lives as who we are. I think the way to do that is to teach tolerance and humanity. Our world is full of deceit and violence. Teaching an alternative to that is where we need to start. In an ideal world, it would be wonderful if all teenagers could ignore their sexual desires, whatever they are. But the reality is that is not the world we live in and we cannot continue to watch our youth be hurt and hurt themselves.d is full of deceit and violence. Teaching an alternative to that is where we need to start. In an ideal world, it would be wonderful if all teen agers could ignore their sexual desires, whatever they are. But the reality is that is not the world we live in and we can not continue to watch our youth be hurt and hurt themselves.

Well I guess I shouldn’t have expected any different. In her zeal to defend her lifestyle, my friend had inadvertently fallen into the error of the ad hominem fallacy. This fallacy basically attacks the character of anyone who dares question the issue at hand rather than defending the issue. She is saying that I am encouraging people to lie. I am unethical and not behaving like a true Christian. I don’t think people should be free and safe. I am intolerant and not teaching humanity, which contributes to deceit and violence in the world and I am an old-fashioned prude because I think kids should be taught to try and control their sexual urges. I am obviously out of touch with reality and I am cold and heartless because I am simply watching as our youth get hurt or hurt themselves.

I don’t think that’s what my friend meant to say but she doesn’t see, like what so many defenders of minority lifestyles fail to see, is that in defending something I am intolerant of, they are more hateful (or at least spiteful) and intolerant sounding than me!

I’m not intolerant of gay adults living quiet lives as normally as possible but I am intolerant of teaching children in school that being gay and acting upon sexual urges, gay or otherwise, is normal. I don’t think kids, youth, teens, whatever you want to call them actually know what their sexual orientation is until they are around 17 or 18. I’m sure there are many kids who, between the ages of 12 and 17, will explore sexual curiosities with other kids of the same gender. This doe not make them gay! It makes them curious! Suppose you caught your 14-year-old smoking a joint. Would you tell him that he may as well just “come out” with it? He was obviously born to be a smoker and a drug addict. Right? NO! He’s a non-smoking and clear-headed kid who was curious about smoking pot!

I believe that the reason we no longer live in a world where kids can control, or be taught to control their sexually deviant natures is because we adults have become soft on moral issues like this. We want to be soft on our own sexually deviant natures and we pass the teaching on to our kids.

C’mon people…can I get an AMEN? How come everybody sticks their heads in the sand on this issue? Even people very close to me will just about spit and hiss at me that we should RESPECT kids who want to have gay sex. It’s like the twilight zone for me here! These are supposedly Bible-believing Christians. I can totally respect adults who are gay…but we’re talking about affirming a notion in the minds of children that acting upon sexual urges is normal. Acting upon sexual urges IS normal for adults…but not for kids! And to suggest that only kids who think they are gay get bullied is just wrong. I know of two kids in my own town that “came out” when they were 14 or 15 and they are very popular. I have also known kids who were bullied and some who displayed suicidal tendencies because they just didn’t feel like they fit in. They had pimples or they thought their bodies or parts of their bodies were too big or too small. Teenagers are fragile people. In this world, so full of advertising telling us the way we should look and behave, I am sure it is not good counsel to tell kids that they should “come out” with their gay feelings. This “coming out day” will do more harm than good. Mark my words. There will be a spike in reported episodes of bullying as some of these confused kids listen to the advice of adults and decide to “come out” during this thing called “National Coming Out Day”

I am praying fervently. James 5:16 ~ Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.


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13 Responses to “National Coming Out Day – Oct. 11/2010”

  1. Linda Says:

    Bullies are the ones who need to ‘come out’ and confess their intolerance for any of their peers who are just not ‘cool’ enough or ‘cute’ enough or tough enough or not sure of their sexual orientation. Young people are being raised in a very confusing world, always have been, always will be, simply because they are neither children, nor adults and trying to fit into the society of the day.
    Recently, I received a wedding announcement from a secondary school teacher who had just retired and moved to another community. He finally married the man he has loved for many years, and, in all those years, he never felt the need to ‘come out’ because his sexual orientation was only a part of him. For more than 30 years, he was an excellent teacher, a talented thespian, a role model in many ways, and, above all, a Christian. If teens are encouraged to develop qualities that have a positive influence on their peers and prepare them for responsible, successful adulthood based on truth and faith, there will be no need for them, in their youth, to ‘come out’ sexually. After all, they might not be gay at all, just experimenting and learning who they are.

  2. Brandon Says:

    1 Corinthians 6:9-11
    9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

    Romans 6:1-8
    6 What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? 3 Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

    5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. 6 We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. 7 For one who has died has been set free from sin. 8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.

    • Timothy Favelle Says:

      Sorry for the late reply.
      I believe that you only err in your interpretation of the scriptures. Homosexuality isn’t one of the seven deadly sins, it isn’t one of the ten commandments. It barely squeaks in as one of the 613 mitzvot along with eating the meat of a pig. While I would, like you, never listen to a sermon from a man who eats bacon when he encourages others of these little ones to do likewise, I can accept the fact that other Christians do sin. When Paul wrote on homosexuality, so little was known about the sexual orientation aspect of it. I was born covetous, and sometimes I catch myself coveting even today; can I help it if I was born that way? That’s one of the ten. Our country and all of capitalism is based on this sin, my sin; here we are gluttonous and greedy coveters like the men if Sodom (see Ezekiel 16:49). When you can shut the door to the homosexuals, you’d better shut the door to us covetous too.

  3. Larry carruthers Says:

    Hi Timothy, you wrote “When Paul wrote on homosexuality, so little was known about the sexual orientation aspect of it”. When Paul wrote this the Holy Spirit knew everything about each of those sins. If the West is based on one particular sin, that does not mean the Lord will “not shut the door” on us as well. In whatever context you were referring to when you used that phrase. If the bible says it is wrong, it is wrong, and promoting covetousness or considering it anything but rebellion, would imply that you have different view of sin than the Father. I am the worst of sinners, but I truly despise the sin when I allow my flesh to have victory over my spirit.

  4. Linda Says:

    An unforgiving, critical attitude is a sin according to the ten commandments, the second of which commands that we love our neighbours as ourselves…including those we deem to have sinned against us by thought, word or deed. Does that not say something about the Father we are overlooking when we condemn those we consider to be sinners? Isn’t that judgement up to Him? Are we to cast the first stone?

  5. insightswithbillyvee Says:

    Did somebody condemn someone?

  6. Linda Says:

    Did not one of the comments refer to the ‘sexually immoral’ in the same context as homosexuality? Surely, children who innocently explore the latter are forgiven by the Father for their curiosity concerning the sexuality that He built into them from the beginning?
    We must define sexual immorality in adult terms such as sexual abuse of children, of women, of men; lust that harms any other person including the one who lusts after them and so on.
    I do not need to quote the Bible to know that purity of body, mind and spirit are the Creator’s vision of his perfect creation and all should aspire to meet those criteria but we must be very careful in our thoughts and treatment of those who fall short because He sent his Son to save us all, not just those who are “without sin”.

  7. insightswithbillyvee Says:

    Homosexuality IS sexually immoral. All sin is forgiven by the Father. It’s not judgmental or condemning to call a spade a spade on earth now. If two men or two women have sexual relations with each other, that’s sexually immoral. Children exploring each others’ bodies is just proof that we are born dead in our transgressions. We are not born pure and then learn to live good, moral lives…We have to learn how to be good…and we never actually arrive at a point of total perfection. None of us is without sin but we don’t live in our sins. We fall into sin then climb out and repent. And we shouldn’t encourage others to live in their sin either. We preach the law to convict and the Gospel to save. I’m actually considering going to a Lutheran seminary to learn more about how to do this without sounding condemning…Not sure that is possible in this age of political correctness though. I sure appreciate the dialogue here! I should mention…my Mom never let me get comfortable in my sin and when I was young, I thought it awfully judgmental of her to tell me what I shouldn’t do! ;o)

  8. Linda Says:

    Woe to mothers who cast the first stone! What concerns me most with respect to this homosexuality conflict is that we totally forget that the most important thing we can do on this earth is to love one another. Should a true and honest love unite two people of the same sex, what harm is done? We consider having more than one wife as the sin of bigamy, yet it is a common occurrence in the Bible and I have yet to find any judgment of it in the Word. The determination of what constitutes sin belongs to God alone, not to mankind.

  9. insightswithbillyvee Says:

    I think it is unloving to let someone live in sin without telling them what the Bible says about it. We don’t disassociate with people who are gay and we don’t condemn them. We simply tell them what the Bible says about it. I think the harm done by homosexuality is that God told us to go forth and multiply and multiplication is not possible with homosexual relationships. Also, AIDS, despite all the arguments that say not only gays get it, started because of feces getting into someones blood during a deviant sexual act. Homosexual relationships also cast doubt upon the Word of God…as if to say, “We think you got it wrong God, all this stuff about a man and a woman becoming one and the warnings you gave us about a man lying with another man or a woman with a woman being an abomination…we don’t really believe you…We think if it feels good, it must be right.” As for bigamy, I think the Bible says that an elder in the church, at least, should be the husband of one wife. Of course there were incidents of bigamy and even incest in the early days as there were simply not enough people to go around…But yeah, I don’t know where in the Word it says that bigamy is a sin…but I do know where it says homosexuality is a sin. Here are some links to other writings on the subject:

  10. Linda Says:

    It is an unfair assumption that all homosexuals are ignorant of what is in the Bible. The two people I know who are in same gender marriages are well-educated Christians and one is a minister of the church.
    When the law was changed in Ontario to legitimize same sex marriages, the churches were in a quandry – would they be condoning sin by marrying homosexuals? Our own church held a weekend conference based on Biblical teaching and free discussion. At the end of it, we were still uncertain until the Christian single mother of a gravely ill disabled child told her story of how she had been condemned since childhood for her homosexuality; how her poor self-esteem had led her into a sinful relationship; how the marriage was a disaster except for the child she loved with all her heart; how she had to face the impending loss of that child alone, without the support of loved ones. She said she had only her church friends for support and she looked to them for acceptance of her as she was – a Christian lesbian woman whose life might actually become worth living one day.
    There were tears, prayers and a secret ballot. The results were overwhelmingly in favour of sanctioning same-sex marriage within our church district.
    We may be sinners but we will only know for sure when we come face to face with our Lord God who created us all – the straight and the gay included.

  11. insightswithbillyvee Says:

    For sure, some of us will not be able to resist the temptation to live in our sinful lifestyles…especially when our self esteem or happiness is challenged. There is grace for all of us. I still don’t think we should be affirming the notions of children that they might be gay by encouraging them to “come out” at school. As for sinners leading the church as pastors…well, my pastor is a sinner too, though he doesn’t actively pursue his sin. I don’t think homosexuals who are Christians do not know what is in the Bible, they just choose to interpret it differently…I’m not sure how they can read those passages differently though…Their argument is never, “The Bible says says homosexuality is good and right.” It is always, “The teaching on homosexuality in the Bible makes me feel bad so it must be wrong.” I’m glad I don’t have to wrestle with that particular sin…Mine is a little easier to hide…though I don’t actively pursue it either…I know the Bible has some tough passages when it comes to the law…Jesus did not pull any punches with sinners…He was quite rude with them actually…and He even said that He’d drive wedges between people. There are a few “rules” in the Bible that bother me a lot. One is this teaching that women should not teach or assume authority over men in the church. (1 Tim 2:12 and 1 Cor 14:34) Another is the teaching from Jesus that says if a man marries a divorced woman, he is an adulterer (Mat. 5:32) And still another is the “Love your enemy” teaching in Luke 6. One thing for sure, I am able to twist just about anything around to make it work for me at any given moment…especially if someone’s self-esteem is challenged. I hate it when someone doesn’t feel good about themselves. Abortion is another one of these issues that is very tough to talk about. If a 12 year old girl is raped and gets pregnant as a result of the attack, is the baby inside her womb more or less deserving of living that a baby growing in the belly of a prostitute who forgot to take her pregnancy prevention pill? Is the self-esteem and/or happiness of the 12 year old girl or the prostitute more important than protecting the lives of the babies in their wombs?

  12. Linda Says:

    You raise another difficult issue. I could go on and on about the sin of abortion which I perceive as the killing of an innocent life but for tonight I shall just say that anyone who is interested enough in God’s laws to study and question, worry about and rejoice in, is, in my humble opinion, a blessing to the Father and to the world. Goodnight and God bless your 2012 everyone.

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